The Gooberland Gazette #1

RAVE REVIEWS POUR IN FOR FINAL BOSS SOUR LAUNCH

• Snack website opens to public and the buying frenzy begins
   
• The Level 1&2 Multipack emerges as the early leader in sales
  
  
• Earth-realm trade publication The Nosh, in covering the launch, claims “The packaging and imagery looks to invoke the feel of old school, 16-bit console video game”
  
  
• Millions learn that Epic Sour Isn’t Made in a Lab!

GRIMESQUARE METRO DERAILMENT LEAVES DOZENS BLOATED🫄

Amazingly, the fiery crash – caused by the engineer’s exposure to a handful of Level 3 cranberries – resulted in no serious injuries

• Investigators are still trying to determine why the incident caused several passengers to feel like they just ate Thanksgiving dinner
   
• Paramedics arrived at the scene with pickle juice and have successfully reduced the collective swell

• Show goes off without a hitch despite Final Boss covering the stage in sauerkraut the night prior
• Attendees found the set and costumes engaging, the orchestra vibrant, the concessions delightful but the acting utterly uninspiring
• Said Gazette theater critic, Gabe the Gibbon, of Jezebel Jerboa’s tone-deaf turn as the lead Maria: “Yeah, I’m not sure what that was”

1. Noah W - Sitka, AK........84 bags
2. Lily C - Santa Fe, NM.....72 bags
3. Grayson S - Boulder, CO...72 bags
4. Ava R - Silverton, OR.....60 bags
5. Milo B - Ogunquit, ME.....60 bags

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