The Gooberland Gazette #4

FINAL BOSS SOUR NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON

• In a desperate need to be sold alongside spare bicycle seat clamps and sacks of pickleballs, Final Boss Sour lists its tangy cranberries for sale on the ecommerce behemoth
    
• Kids now only need their Dad’s iPhone password to lowkey punch up re-orders
  
  
• Company mouthpiece @LondonLaz is giving away exclusive Final Boss Sour bucket hats to the first 50 reviewers on the platform

ATTENDEE ARRESTED AFTER PELTING CLAWRISSA WITH PIZZA DOUGH DURING COMEBACK TOUR

• “My friends said that I should totally do it” whined 46-year-old GrimeSquare resident Jerome Gerbil during his bail hearing
  
  
• Gerbil, who still claims to be one of Clawrissa’s biggest fans, said he flung the mess of uncooked dough, marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese hoping that the pop-star would personalize the pie for him
  
  
• “I just wanted her to add her favorite toppings and return it to me before baking” explained Gerbil
  
  
• When asked about the incident that occurred during her performance of “Spay My Name”, Clawrissa, the recently canceled diva, said “My new fans are odd” 

Got a Scoop?:

• Corporate America got just under 2% more s&*t done in September, and analysts are optimistic about October
  
  
• Experts say that the rise of Final Boss Sour consumption in the office has given desk dwellers the extra kick in the pants to get started on that powerpoint presentation or complete that insider trade
  
  
• Austin, TX resident Paul Shumacher tells The Gazette “Brought some for my co-workers…They really like it”
  
  
• Schumacher, who presumably sells belt loops to jeans makers, says his team has been killing it with help from Level 2 Crans

1. NOAH W - SITKA, AK...84 bags
2. WNE B - ID FLS, ID...72 bags
3. LLY C - SNTA FE, NM..72 bags
4. BRN M - E SYRSE, NY..72 bags
5. GRYSN S - BLDR, CO...72 bags