ATTENDEE ARRESTED AFTER PELTING CLAWRISSA WITH PIZZA DOUGH DURING COMEBACK TOUR
“My friends said that I should totally do it” whined 46-year-old GrimeSquare resident Jerome Gerbil during his bail hearing
Gerbil, who still claims to be one of Clawrissa’s biggest fans, said he flung the mess of uncooked dough, marinara sauce and mozzarella cheese hoping that the pop-star would personalize the pie for him
“I just wanted her to add her favorite toppings and return it to me before baking” explained Gerbil
When asked about the incident that occurred during her performance of “Spay My Name”, Clawrissa, the recently canceled diva, said “My new fans are odd”
GAIN IN PRODUCTIVITY ATTRIBUTED TO SOUR CRANBERRY CONSUMPTION BY CO-WORKERS
Corporate America got just under 2% more s&*t done in September, and analysts are optimistic about October
Experts say that the rise of Final Boss Sour consumption in the office has given desk dwellers the extra kick in the pants to get started on that powerpoint presentation or complete that insider trade
Austin, TX resident Paul Shumacher tells The Gazette “Brought some for my co-workers…They really like it”
Schumacher, who presumably sells belt loops to jeans makers, says his team has been killing it with help from Level 2 Crans
