The Gooberland Gazette #8

SPACE RANGER WASTES FINAL BREATHS ON CANDY TOO SOUR FOR HIS INTERGALACTIC TASTE BUDS

• “Turns out NASA training does not prepare you for epic sour” remarked Selaznog the Ploop upon witnessing the interplanetary fail
  
  
• Ranger Chad Stuffington arrived on the planet Ploopytron to study the native spooning habits, when he became suddenly hungry for sour candy
  
  
• He thought he hit the astral jackpot when he found a pouch of Final Boss Sour on the clay
  
  
• However, the sour proved too much for the 5-star commander and he began to wilt into space dust
  
  
• Stuffington is currently believed to be regenerating in a lurp sack on the south side of Hooplethorp

• The lowest rated championship series in history came to an underwhelming conclusion last night as the Crockweiler Chameleons edged out the Goomire Geese in game 5
  
  
• The series, which is typically a matchup between the two best teams in all of Gooberland, lost favor with fans thanks to new Commissioner, The Final Boss Sour’s, playoff rule changes
  
  
• The new rules allowed teams with mediocre records and totally mid fan bases to play-in against division leaders in a “win one of seven and you’re in” round robin
  
  
• The result was a dismally attended and poorly catered Gooberland Classic, leaving even the winning players pretty sour about the whole ordeal 

CASUAL SOUR-ING TREND TAKES OFF AS THE WEATHER TURNS

• In a recent 5-star review, Amazon shopper Kyle Saunders highlighted his excitement for the new trend:
  • “Super sour!! Level 3 is tongue-shredding INTENSE!! But it’s great! Can’t wait for some level 1 for casual sour-ing haha”
    
    
• The Gazette’s lifestyle editor Wanda Warbler describes casual sour-ing:
  
  • "Summer and fall are full of excitement and passion. Summer flings clash with back-to-school gatherings and homecoming dances, it's all very thrilling and dizzying. These are times when adolescents are really willing to flex their sour stamina with level 2 and even level 3 cranberry indulgences
    
    However, when the days get shorter and the nights get colder, these youths seek comfort by cozying up next to the fire with a box of Level 1s
    
    In this snuggly mode, they can enjoy daily consumption of just the right amount of tanginess while keeping their sour strength strong for spring" 
    

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