CAUSTICA ON THE HOT SEAT AFTER GETTING CAUGHT SOLICITING BRIBES
• What began as a phoenix-like rise back to power might be ending in incremental shame for Caustica, the diluted queen bee of the Bramblebrine Bridge and miniboss of Strawberry Lemonade Level 1
• Earlier this week, The Gazette published Snapchat messages between the bee and one of the Final Boss’ top doneers (a deer who donates) where Caustica asks via lazy flirtation for the wealthy buck to pay off her Beesa Card
• “Oh honey please. Also, send me one hundred thousand Wumpa Fruit” read the message, punctuated with pheromone emojis
• The incident has reportedly prompted The Final Boss to consider firing her, which has stirred serious controversy across Gooberland politics
• Gazette political contributor Joel Mole explains: “What she is accused of doing is merely routine corruption for this administration. On the same day this came out, Brumblebutt was caught looting and pillaging the Goomire Boys and Girls Club. And he got a field promotion. It’s either sexism or there is something deeper here between Caustica and The Final Boss”
• Caustica’s fake friend Dianne gossips: “She used to date The Final Boss’ drone-in-law and was by his side during the Eldergloom Insurrection. This betrayal must really sting”
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SALAD JOINT AWARDED MOST TERRIFYING HALLOWEEN-THEMED DISH
• SANTA MONICA, CA: This time each year, local restaurants try to make ghoulish grub a thing
• Burger Shack is offering an ube and black sesame bunned smashburger that looks and tastes rotten, while Honeyfish is selling anglerfish-head hand rolls with the lure still attached
• But this year the Chamber of Commerce awarded the Pumpkin Pancake Medal to Soulless Salads on 2nd St. for their “Stripped Caesar”
• The salad is packed with romaine, kale and spinach and then topped with croutons, uncooked broccoli, dried shredded parmesan, and sunflower seeds
• Not so scary? Well, the Stripped Caesar comes with no dressing whatsoever!
• Consumers are not allowed to even add olive oil or any moisture via grape tomatoes or…water
• Dave Jenkins of Venice explains: “It was awful. The staff sat and watched me work through all that roughage. It took two hours to finish. The best part was when my tears dripped on a crouton and softened the edges a skosh”
• Fortunately, Jenkins packed a bag of Final Boss Sour Level 2 Candy Apples for dessert
• “As soon as I opened the bag the mouth water started to bubble up and my taste buds danced to celebrate the end of the drought”
| LIVE SCENES FROM GOOBERLAND |
| ● LIVE | GOOBERLAND CAM 1 |
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| A deer was seen crossing the bridge with a wagon of Wumpa Fruit. He says it is unrelated |
| Bramblebrine Bridge, Gooberland |
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