February 17, 2024

The Gooberland Gazette #23

TOP STORY

Girl unveils sour strawberries at middle school science fair

MIDDLE SCHOOL SCIENCE FAIR COMES TO SOUR CONCLUSION

Shelly Ellison of Pipkin Middle School in Springfield, MO had completely detached herself from the Science Fair hoopla

While her goober classmates toiled away on papier-mâché volcanoes and styrofoam solar systems, Ellison listened to Slipknot and played Dead Space

When the day arrived and she had done nothing, she simply turned to her secret stash of sour stuff and figured worst case she wouldn’t go hungry

The results, caught on film were shocking

GEOGRAPHY

HANK AND QUINNIE UNLOCK THE SOUR STRAWBERRY PATH

The heroic duo, on a mission to defeat the Final Boss, have uncovered a delicious new path

Now, in addition to brawling for berries along the cran and blue paths, users can test their mettle against 3 new minibosses across three new levels featuring sour strawberries

“Tangy, Earthy and now umm Sweet” is how Hank eloquently described the three paths to build your sour stamina

Quinnie added “But don’t let the sweetness fool you, I recommend all sour noobs to start with Level 1.  Leave the higher levels for sour soldiers like me and Hank”

When reached for comment, a spokesgoon for the Final Boss described the mission as “more like strawberry path-etic!”

SHOP STRAWBERRIES

THE ARTS

Photo credit

FINAL BOSS PROMOTES ITS SOUR PRODUCTS DURING SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW

While Final Boss Sour could not afford a full 30 seconds spot in this year’s big game, it did score a half second of the highly viewed halftime show

When Alicia Keys began her surprise cameo performance of “If I Aint Got You”, The Final Boss turned one of her first notes sour to promote the launch of Level 3 Strawberries

While the spot was brief, everyone watching understood the product placement and appreciated the artful marketing

In an interview with Adweek, The Final Boss Sour explained “Affleck and Scorsese turned down my low ball offers.  But Alicia’s pipes turned out to be the ideal vessel to get my sour message out to the millions”

BUY MORE FINAL BOSS

SPORTS

FIVE NEW MEMBERS OF THE 200 CLUB, CAPPED BY NEW CHAMP ERIK O.
 
 UPDATED TOP 5 SOURHEADS: 

1. ERIK O - NY, NY.......264 bags

2. PAUL A - BRCK, NJ.....240 bags

3. DAN S - ST LS PK, MN..228 bags
3. SPHN L - LS VGS, NV...216 bags
4. CHNTL W - AUSTL, GA...204 bags
5. WLM T - ALHMBRA, CA...204 bags

Message @finalbosssour on Instagram with how many bags you've defeated to join the standings.

Got a Scoop?:
Reach out to us at: scoop@finalbosssour.com
 
If we run it, you win free stuff!

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The Gooberland Gazette #23

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The Gooberland Gazette #23

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