The Gooberland Gazette #34

In a continuing series, The Gazette delves into the personalities of Gooberland’s minibosses. In today’s episode, reporter Scott “Nibbles” O’Toole  profiles Beester, the no-bull sour strength coach and miniboss of Strawberry Level 1

• Scott “Nibbles” O’Toole: Beester, it's such an honor. I subscribe to your podcast “Wildebeest Mode” and have been taking your supplements for months. How did you become the Darengetti’s most swole sour strength coach?
  
  
• Beester: I took no handouts and no shortcuts. When I was a calf, I did calf raises until my calves had calves 
   
• SNOT: So sick. You made headlines recently when you were caught on camera donkey-kicking your star prospect into the water hole.  Would you care to add your spin?
  
  
• B: Gladly. This pansy says he wants to have the most sour stamina in Gooberland, yet after practice one day I catch him taking an interest in the arts. So I figure putting my hoof 6 inches deep into his neck will remind him that the path to greatest runs through my a$$ alone! 
    
• SNOT: Yes, you’ve always said that you value obedience over self-reliance, is that why you are guarding strawberries for the Final Boss?
  
  
• B: Yes.  He activated me in his first public speech announcing his return from exile. I know no one has seen his true form, but golly I just know he has sculpted delts, don’t you!?
  
  
• SNOT:  Ummm
  
  
• B: Oh, I mean I gotta get back to making kids suck on lemons until they admit they are worthless
  
  
• SNOT:  Thanks for your time