May 25, 2024

The Gooberland Gazette #37

TOP STORY

Man singing song about Final Boss Sour new sampler pack

AMERICA’S FAVORITE SOUR CANDY GAME CAN NOW BE PLAYED AT HOME

Announced last night at 1:13 AM, in an ad run during a Pete & Pete rerun on Nickelodeon's Nostalgia Trap Network, Final Boss Sour users can now breeze through 9 levels in one convenient box

Even for those that don’t buy, the ad’s jingle, which uses public domain music and rhymes sour with sour, will be sure to leave a lasting effect

The Sampler box, which includes the first ever-released exclusive map of Gooberland, can also be repurposed for storing art supplies, fishing tackle or clippings from 9/10 fingers/toes after the game is finished

Start playing today!

LABOR

A cartoon goat holding sign that says "Thirsty"

FRUMPKIN HILLS GOAT STRIKE AVERTED BY 11TH HOUR CONCESSION FROM LARDSWORTH

After years of mistreatment and months of negotiations, the United Goats of Hut H (“UGHH”) have reached an agreement with landowner and Level 1 Blueberry miniboss Lardsworth to prevent an inconsequential shutdown

Lardsworth came to his senses in between late-night snacks last night and decided that in addition to the chlorine-heavy runoff from his balcony hot tub, the goats could also access drinking water from his 5.7m Newton fire hose every other Thursday

The deal was signed by UGHH president Bri Onngh who is considered the GOAT of goat negotiators

The half dozen goats, who are only on the farm so that Lardsworth can get additional agricultural tax exemptions, really had no leverage on the situation, but will nonetheless take the W

Announcement reads: Through Sunday, Free Chocolate Cherries with Any Purchase (while supplies last)

SHOP SOUR

LAW

A scale with boxes of Final Boss Sour on both sides

LANDMARK CASE AIMS TO DECIDE WHAT MAKES SOURHEADS TICK

The high stakes trial Nature vs. Nurture may very well decide why we crave sour foods so much

Nofree William, counsel for Nature, claims that “Genetic variations can affect how individuals perceive and enjoy sour tastes and that some people may have a genetic predisposition to enjoy sour flavors more than others”

Meanwhile Nurture attorney and tiger dad Duez Isiah, is presenting the case that it is conditioning and preference that drive this desired result. Isiah claims “Over time, individuals may develop a preference for sour tastes due to repeated exposure to sour foods”

The jury is set to rule on this case next week with the penalties for the at-fault party capped at one Final Boss Sour Elite Pack

SHOP SOUR

SPORTS

ZACHARY FROM MARYLAND ELBOWS INTO THE TOP 5 IN THE LAST WEEK OF THE SEASON
 
 UPDATED TOP 5 SOURHEADS: 

1. ERIK O -  NY, NY......540 bags
2. SAJA D -  GRSN, NY....420 bags
3. PAUL A - BRCK, NJ.....408 bags
4. ZCH G - CLG PK, MD....372 bags
5. SHLBI H - PSDN, CA....360 bags

Message @finalbosssour on Instagram with how many bags you've defeated to join the standings.

Got a Scoop?:
Reach out to us at: scoop@finalbosssour.com
 
If we run it, you win free stuff!

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*Deal lasts through midnight, PT on 5/26/24, while supplies last.
 
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Final Boss Sour 1447 2nd Street Suite 200 Santa Monica, California 90401
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The Gooberland Gazette #37

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The Gooberland Gazette #37

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