AFTER BEING EXPLODED, MOO REFLECTS ON HIS ACTIONS AND PLANS HIS NEXT CHAPTER

• Last month, Hank and Quinnie spelunked into the ShardShaft mines to take on Moo and Strawberry Level 3

• The duo rode a mine cart over, under and through hazards and enemies and, after 17 frustrating restarts, finally nailed the rhythm (short hop, medium hop, enemy hop, long gap hop) to reach the boss stage

• Moo was initially thrilled to encounter the first vertebrates he'd sniffed in decades, but his poor vision and rusty shovel proved no match for the battle-tested brawlers. The pair bonked his hard hat, yanked his fur, and finished him with an exploding dose of his own berries

The Gazette caught up with the mole miniboss after his 2-week stint in the Final Boss' Re-souring Rehabilitation Rathole to ask how his outlook has changed:

• Moo: For years I was fed Final Boss propaganda about the power of sour and evil of those who try to temper the tang. Then I was confronted in my own mine by the messengers of peace and force-fed the sourest strawberries in Gooberland until my rotten guts sprayed all over the broken tracks

• GG: And now…?

• Moo: Oh…what? I guess I gotta get back to work. Those aquifers and methane deposits aren't going to acid themselves. See ya

KIDS WITH QUARTERS STORM LOCAL GROCERY STORE UNDER FALSE PRETENSES

• MILFORD, NH: On Wednesday, Rickey Youngman spent most of 4th period telling Mrs. Erghart's 6th grade class that he was the first kid to ever play the Final Boss Sour video game

• Youngman claimed an arcade console of the game had been set up just for him in the back-of-store candy aisle at the Shaw's on Nashua St. next to an ungodly amount of salt water taffy and Cow Tales

• He said the game was brutally difficult, but after a roll of quarters and a Red Bull, he beat the entire thing

• That afternoon, at least 32 children biked to Shaw's to play — only to learn that the "arcade machine" was a cardboard display pushing bags of Level 2 Strawberry Mango and Level 4 Sour Apple

• The bike mob then swarmed the Youngman house with torches and pitchforks where The Gazette caught up with Rickey:

• "Ummm so you might be wondering how I got into this" Rickey said to the camera as a record scratched

• "I didn't go to Shaws. My grandma did. And she knows I like Final Boss, so she bought me some and told me about the 'joystick game' it came in. She even showed me a photo, but its my grandma and her thumb was in it and it was taken in panorama mode"

• "So clearly the grandma story was not cool, so I embellished it a bit…"

• It gets worse, Youngman shared his whopper on TikTok and now kids across the country are flocking to Shaws and other participating Albertson's banners who are rolling out the arcade displays from now through July!

LIVE SCENES FROM GOOBERLAND

● LIVE  |  GOOBERLAND CAM 1

Moo is having a bad month.

ShardShaft Mines, Strawberry Territory, Gooberland