AFTER WATCHING SUPER MARIO GALAXY, CAUSTICA CONVINCED HER BIOPIC WILL BE GREENLIT

• "I had gaslit myself into thinking my life story was trite and shallow. But then I saw that awful movie! Move over, The Bible, because DeQueened: The Caustica Files is now the greatest story ever told"

• The miniboss of Strawberry Lemonade Level 1 has been tormenting her literary agent Marty Mealworm for months to sell her truth-deficient screenplay to help cover her gambling debts

• Mealworm tells The Gazette, "I kept pitching it as Lincoln meets Amadeus. Then I realized it's more effective to compare it to something that is truly bad, yet made a lot of money. I'm getting some callbacks with this Mario hook!"

• Caustica claims that the new Mario movie was just two hours of "remember this?" with zero character development or engaging conflict

• "They dropped in Star Fox (objectively good move) and immediately started stepping on his lines" Caustica complained. "When the audience sees how cruel the hive was when they expelled me for being the most desirable to the drones, they will weep"

• The dethroned queen bee claims that her story already has mainstream traction with the success of her autobiography published by "Random House"

• When asked to clarify, Caustica replied "yeah I went to some random house on my street and asked to borrow their printer"

GUY NAMED AL SUPER SOUR ABOUT HIS WORK BEING CREDITED TO ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

• Al Lelande of North Kingstown, RI has joined the ranks of those critical of recent technological developments

• The jack-of-all-trades marketer and part-time busboy for Maude's Diner on Boston Neck Road says apps like Gemini and ChatGPT have been getting credit for the Americana-inspired designs and witty slogans that appear on the restaurant's placemats and T-shirts

• Lelande had anticipated this and tried to head it off by adding footnotes like "Designed by Al, Written by Al and Created by Al", yet still, folks seem to think that these are not authentic works by Al Lelande

• And this is not the Lelande family's first brush-up with big tech. Al tells The Gazette, "I won't even go into what happened with my sister Alexa. We don't dare speak her name in this house anymore. Because if we do our Facebook Portal starts telling us the weather"

• The Lelandes are now device- and streaming service-free, and have found solace in gathering around the fireplace and playing the Ultimate Tropical Sampler by Final Boss Sour

• "It's real mangos, kiwis and pineapples in three clear levels of sourness" says Al's college student brother Claude who is convinced he'll never suffer workplace confusion

LIVE SCENES FROM GOOBERLAND

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Caustica's former hive reportedly changed the locks again after assembly footage surfaced

The Royal Hive, Lemonade Bluffs, Gooberland