PREGNANT CELTICS FAN, EMPOWERED BY SOUR, TAKES CHANCE ON SPORTS BAR DELIVERY
Bev Gibbons of Metheun, MA loves Boston sports and sour candy
Her two passions collided on Wednesday night to produce a birthing ceremony that the bar backs at RJ’s Sports bar will never forget
Gibbons was due to give birth to her first child during the Indiana series last week, but when the Celts swept she thought it’d be bad juju to make a change ahead of the Finals
When her water broke about 30 minutes prior to tipoff of Game 3 on Wednesday night, she felt pressure to leave RJ’s and go to the hospital
“I was wicked nervous, but then I slammed a handful of Level 3 Blueberries and decided to bet that the little nugget wouldn’t crown until after the game”
The bet didn’t pay off as little Tatum Gibbons came into the world with 3:25 remaining in the 3rd
RJ’s regular Sully McEwen, the Bruin of Metheun, was credited with catching Tatum off the barstool
Fortunately, Mom and daughter are fully healthy and the Celtics command a 3-0 lead
NATURE
BEESTER GETS A FULL SEND THANKS TO TIKTOK USER AND HER BROTHER
The juiced-up strength coach of the Darengetti was humbled yesterday when Hank finished him with his signature Badger Bonk
Hank and Quinnie approached the Strawberry Level 1 miniboss with a full head of steam after deftly bouncing across the hippo bridge, thrashing the baboons, swinging across the python pit and and ascending the giraffe necks to chomp on the strawberry power-ups
Beester was shocked and visibly agitated as the heroes approached, yet did manage to hit Qunnie with a leg curl and gore Hank with an iso-strength neck thrust
Luckily, Qunnie’s chest bump and Hank’s elbow razor were boosted by sourpower from a brother and sister duo from TikTok, and Hank and Quinnie were able to conquer the boss and secure the sour strawberries
TikTok user “C**l” (we’re gonna guess Cristabell) says her brother introduced her to Level 1 Strawberries as part of a sampler box. She claims for her “they are the perfect amount of tart and berry flavor to make it hard to stop eating them!”
FINAL BOSS SURPRISES FAN WITH A RANDOM HUNK OF INDUSTRIAL LEAD
Orion J. of Aspen, CO was excited when his Shop App indicated that his latest Elite Pack had been delivered
Excitement turned to horror when he found a destroyed box at his doorstep that included his 9 boxes of sour fruit and a 15lb piece of industrial lead, marked ominously with the initials “Fx”
Final Boss Sour requested an investigation from their shipping partner who quickly concluded that “The lead piece must have fell out of a separate shipment. The sorting agent then repacked the box with the lead inside, not knowing that it wasn’t part of the original shipment”
Gazette investigative reporter Jacques Fox is dubious of the claim: “How could the agent assume that the lead both caused the external trauma to the box AND have also come from the same box? And why would candy come with building materials?”
Fox has launched his own delicate investigation under the assumption that “Fx” is a code for a message sent from the Final Boss themself
