SOUR STRAWBERRY MANGO: THE RETURN OF THE QUEEN CRINGE
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- There once was a ship where sourheads binge
- And the name of the ship was the Queen Cringe
- It brought a sour drop for Black Friday
- And everyone lost their minds, huh!
- Soon may the Brumblebutt go
- To bring us strawberry and mango
- One day when our toungin’s are sore
- We’ll take our leave and go
- Oh, the drop sold out and the Final Boss
- Searched high and low for its special sauce
- After months he found the magic berries
- To bring this banger back, huh!
- Now see the Brumblebutt go
- He brings us strawberry and mango
- Back as a permanent SKU
- So get yours now and go, huh!
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GOOMIRE COUNCIL ANNOUNCES LATEST NPC FILINGS
- As part of an ongoing effort to deflect and mask insecurities, the Goomire Council to Isolate Simps, Neckbeards and Soyboys (“GCISNS”) has published its most recent list of citizens it considers NPCs
- The council, convened and chaired by local miniboss Jawslicer, says outright naming these basic tryhards is an important first step towards something more awful
- Anyone caught harboring or dating these betas may be subject to sanctions, while anyone living next to these thirsty clowns may be entitled to compensation provided that they narc on the mid feeders
- The list: Nelson Newt, Martin Marsh Rabbit, Ozzie Osprey, Corey Crayfish, Herman Heron, Stu Coot and Andrew Anole. Thank you
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LOCAL MAN RE-DUMPED AFTER THE RETURN OF SOUR STRAWBERRY MANGO
- Hilliard, OH attorney Jeff Doolittle just had his heart broken for the second time in 8 months by the same woman, all because of Final Boss Sour’s Sour Strawberry Mangos
- The woman, Kerri Conway, says Doolittle was a passable replacement for the months long stockout of the sweet and sour combo
- Conway explains “When Final Boss first dropped the product on Black Friday last year, I was obsessed. But then, like all drops, it was gone and I became desperate. I met Jeff on Tinder and he was sweet to help me through this withdrawal. But then in March, Final Boss announced it was bringing it back, so I told Jeff I didn’t need him anymore”
- “But then, Sour Strawberry Mango just kinda ghosted me. It said something about how it wasn’t living up to its full potential and needed time to re-group. So I texted my crutch Jeff and we rekindled for the summer. But now SSM is back and even better than its Black Friday form. I know I should play it safe and stick with Jeff, but he’s kinda mid and I’m looking for fire!”
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JOHN FROM VIRGINIA SCORES FIRST TO TAKE THE EARLY FALL LEAD
SOURHEAD RANKINGS (FALL):
1.JHN B - WDBRDG, VA....168 bags
2.ALX C - LTL FLLS, NY..144 bags
3.JNFR H - WSTPRT, CT...120 bags
4.DNA A - LK HVSU, AZ...120 bags 5.BRT C - N LS VGS, NV..120 bags
Message @finalbosssour on Instagram with how many bags you've defeated to join the standings.
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Got a Scoop?:
Reach out to us at: scoop@finalbosssour.com
If we run it, you win free stuff!
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