With now two Boom!s under its belt, the startup is now setting its sights on the pinnacle of culinary achievement - five Boom!s
Achieving this would put the establishment in the exclusive company of only the Kirkland Signature Chicken Bake and the Costco Double Chunk Chocolate Cookie
COMMUNITY
MEET YOUR MINIBOSS SERIES PROFILES BRUMBLEBUTT
In a continuing series, The Gazette delves into the personalities of Gooberland’s minibosses. In today’s episode, reporter Muriel Elizabeth Hinkley profiles Brumblebutt, the thicc pirate captain of the Queen Cringe and the miniboss of Strawberry Mango Level 2
Muriel Elizabeth Hinkley: Brumblebutt, thanks for agreeing to this interview. What made you decide to dock your ship off the Gooberland coastline?
Brumblebutt: Aye, I was in a gin joint in Mombassa when I heard that the Final Boss had come back into power. I just knew his chaos would open opportunities for pillaging and plundering
MEH:Indeed. Although what’s the difference between pillaging and plundering?
BB: Give me the fob to yer HOA and I’ll show ye
MEH:Maybe later. So why does the Final Boss let you and your men get away with ravaging the communities here?
BB:It’s on account of all the booty I’m packing. My lower deck is stuffed with juicy Sour Strawberry Mango
MEH:Oh yes. I can’t believe you brought so much Level 2 goodness in the cargo hold of your ship
BB:Aye reckon the FB is going to make a big go with this. And with all the doubloons he’ll be collecting for my wares, he’ll turn a patched eye to the blatant ravaging of strip malls and truck stop casinos
MEH:Hmm, now I’m torn. That sounds bad, but strawberry mango is sooo good
HUMAN RESOURCES DEPT. USES SOUR FRUIT TO ISOLATE UNSTABLE EMPLOYEES
How well do we really know our co-workers?
Sure, Kate from Procurement seems lovely with her Shohei Ohtani bobblehead and her jokes about how great Mondays are, but could it all be a façade, masking a dark hatred that might one day erupt and make things really uncomfortable for her cube mates?
Thanks to Amazon shopper Lauren, now you might not have to guess
As chronicled in her September review of the VIP Sampler titled “Both delicious and painful depending on the level” Lauren suggests giving level 3 sour fruits to your co-workers to determine which should be allowed in your inner circle
“I took this sampler pack to work and now know that some of my coworkers are straight up psychopaths because they didn’t even flinch downing a handful of level 3 blueberries”
In opposite news, these level 3 non-flinchers are highly recruited by companies offering student loan forgiveness programs to people who answer the phone under false pretenses
