Nick Lutsko and his boys Cowboy Jon, Greazy, Ceviche Man and the Gremlin Desmond were spending their Halloween playing Castlevania and munching on Final Boss
It was chill until Desmond puked into the console and hell broke loose
The event, which has become all too common these days, is chronicled in what is sure to be the Halloween bop of the season!
Readers are encouraged to pick up the last few limited edition Halloween Mega Packs and marvel at how Nick rhymes Sega with Lou Bega!
AGRICULTURE
FRUMPKIN FARMVILLE FALL FESTIVAL FRUSTRATES FANS ON FACEBOOK
It all started out very wholesome. This spring, Lardsworth, the lord of Frumpkin Hill Farms, announced that he would open part of his plantation to amateur farmers, allowing them to plant and tend crops and then share in the proceeds at harvest time
Then came the microtransactions. Oh, you want your Sour Apple Dipper tree to get proper sunlight? Pay $5.99 or watch it wither
And the SPAM. Oh, you need a tool shed next to your sour pumpkin spice patch? Click to request help and now ALL of your facebook friends – including the girl you hooked up with in college – will see your status update as “looking for a hook for my hoe”
Now that it’s harvest time, those who have shelled out and embarrassed themselves enough to have any crop yield are subject to land use and broker fees that put them firmly in the red
When players complained about the apparent ponzi scheme to the Final Boss, they were hit with a 47% whine tax
Lardsworth is currently accepting applications for next year’s program
TRICK-OR-TREATING VIBE TIP: BE THE HOUSE THAT GIVES OUT FRUIT
“Bro, that place is the jackpot. I’m running it back twice” said 5th grader Katie McEvoy last year about 569 Hemlock St. in Geneva, NY
McEvoy was referring to how The Hopkins family were giving out pouches of level 2 cranberries to trick-or-treaters instead of boring old candy
The Gazette’s 'Rizz' Editor, Grayson Grison, explains how homeowners can flex this year:
First, giving out fruit instead of candy was super lame. Then everyone started freaking out about razor blades in apples and it suddenly became dangerous, but too creepy to be cool-dangerous. Now thanks to Final Boss Sour, it is straight fire. By letting kids pick from the Halloween Mega Pack, you are signaling that you recognize that epic sour comes from nature and that Halloween fun comes from the sour challenge, not from being gorked out on artificial dyes and excess sugars
Grison adds that the Mega Pack is moving fast and must be ordered by Monday, October 21st to ensure delivery by the 31st