FRANKENSTEIN FOOD TOO SOUR FOR FRANKENSTEIN ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
- “Fire bad, Final Boss Sour October Drop good” said Frankenstein’s monster after trying Level 3 Frankenstein Food
- The new drop is truly an abomination, as only a mad scientist would combine sour apricots, kiwis, cherries and prunes
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And yet, it works, says Gazette food critic Vincent Mice:
“The blend of tropical and temperate fruits provide a sweet, tangy and earthy palette which is then combined with Level 3 sour that can reanimate flesh, organs and tissues. It looks monstrous yet I want to Igor-ge on it until they chase me off with pitchforks”
- Readers are encouraged to stock up on it today to extend the Halloween vibes deep into November
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FINAL BOSS PLANS TO CUT POWERUPS AND OTHER ENTITLEMENTS IN 2025
- Frustrated that his brutal sour soul crushing policies have not deterred rebels, The Final Boss is planning to crack down on powerups, time saving checkpoints, 1ups, and other entitlements that provide the struggle class with hope and dignity
- The move comes after Hank and Qunnie, the leaders of the rebellion, shocked the overboss by exploding Moo and defeating Strawberry Level 3
- In an edict posted on X, the Final Boss said “After careful discussions with my trusted advisors (me), I have decided to instruct my minibosses to purge their levels of all coin magnets, fire berries, winged pineapples and cat suits”
- Hank and Quinnie declined to comment on the proclamation, but those close to the duo say they remain hopeful that anonymous donors will continue to hide resources to aid them in building the sour stamina they need to take on the Final Boss
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FDA FAST-TRACKS APPROVAL OF LEVEL 3 FRANKENSTEIN FOOD FOR TREATMENT OF DRAGON A$$
- Between the polarizing election, the east vs west elite World Series and people in their 40s saying skibidi toilet, chances are someone you know is experiencing Dragon A$$
- The medieval disease from King Arthur’s time, long thought eradicated by vaccine, has returned amongst the proliferation of toxic social media echo chambers
- Symptoms of Dragon A$$ include general apathy towards some pretty important sh**, a strong feeling of detachment, and being as fun as a corpse
- Luckily, Level 3 Frankenstein Food is so mind blowingly sour, it has been proven to re-engage three out of four chronic sufferers of Dragon A$$
- In an effort to flatten the curve of the Dragon A$$ epidemic, the FDA has cleared the shockingly awesome drop for nationwide distribution today
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RANKINGS REMAIN UNCHANGED AHEAD OF HALLOWEEN HYSTERIA
SOURHEAD RANKINGS (FALL):
1.JNFR H - WSTPRT, CT...228 bags
2.JHN B - WDBRDG, VA....216 bags
3.ZCHRY B - LSBRG, VA...204 bags
4.RSHD L - MT VRN, NY...192 bags
5.RY T - LA PRT, TX.....192 bags
How many bags have you've defeated?? Message us on Instagram to join the standings.
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Got a Scoop?:
Reach out to us at: scoop@finalbosssour.com
If we run it, you win free stuff!
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