Back in July, they sold so fast they had to dip off the website
The waitlist grew, and Derkus got to work
Who’s Derkus? He’s the mandrill entrepreneur behind the Sour Particle Collider, a monstrous display of zero-gravity engineering capable of producing the most twinge-tangling sour powder to ever dust the surface of Gooberland soil
The collider was in beta this summer, but fresh off a mutually self-gratifying pact with the Final Boss, Derkus wants to launch this baby to Mars
The mandrill also sidled up to Brumblebutt to mule in the finest quality offshore mangos
Now that it’s back, permanently, customers can lick, dip, wince and enjoy the funnest dip in the earth realm: Blue Raspberry Mango Dippers Let’s go!
SOCIAL JUSTICE
MINIBOSSES UNITE TO FIGHT HATE AGAINST THOSE THAT DO HORRIBLE THINGS
Moo is feeling blue and would like some help from you
Yes, the oversized mole recently discovered that his objectively wretched practice of kidnapping young forrest critters from their dens and forcing them to work the Level 3 Strawberry mines has been getting ripped apart on social media
“I’m like, hey man, I don’t go to Del Taco and tell you how to do your job!” said Moo in a one star Yelp review of the ShardShaft Del Taco
That’s why Moo has recently joined the Boss Anti-Defamation Department for Image Enforcement, or “BADDIE”
The group, founded by Level 2 Blueberry boss Shellsea, aims to try and let bullies and minbosses get their hate on without any annoying splashback
And for just one easy payment of $59.98, you can sponsor Moo’s safe space and make a difference for one lucky stooge
Classmates, those trying to get in good with the parents, and even a few real friends attended
But the few hours of attention were not enough for the adolescent company
The brand demanded a bday brunch the next day, a birthday tiara worn at the all-hands on wednesday, and a video scrapbook of messages from acquaintances shown prior to the Ops Standup on Thursday
Those eagerly looking to turn the page on this week-long birthday spree can take comfort: the 20% site-wide discount officially turns into a pumpkin at midnight tonight
