MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGH HELPS SENIORS SNAP BACK ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
- Each year, Americans spend over $500 billion on senior care. And yet, after all that lettuce, grandma can still ruin Thanksgiving scurrying to answer her landline across a wet kitchen floor
- But not anymore, thanks to the new Final Boss Sour Shocktart Reanimator!
- In a scientific breakthrough, it was proven in cynical trials that eating super sour fruit after getting wrecked can shock human tissue back into its pre-fall form
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The discovery was made as a continuation of the research into sour’s ability to snap patients out of panic attacks and doom cycles
- And forget arguing with Medicare and Pharmacies, for a limited time, the shocktart reanimator can be yours FREE with your next purchase from finalbosssour.com
- So bestow upon your elders the ultimate power-up today!
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CHOWDER AND BISQUE, WHAT’S THE DIFF?
Shellsea is the self-proclaimed Queen Lobster of Crockweiler Public Beach and the miniboss of Blueberry Level 2. Clyde Clam lives there too
- Shellsea: The other day at a Final Boss rally, some clownfish told me to ‘go boil in a pot of chowder’. I’ve never been more offended in my life. But rather than lash out as usual, I’ve decided to educate the ignorant. We lobsters boil in bisque, not chowder. And to help explain the difference I’ve invited my dear friend Clyde Clam here
- Clyde Clam: Well, I’d say we are more acquaintances than...
- SS: Yes Clyde I feel the pain of intolerance too. So let’s get this going. You see, bisque is smooth and velvety, like a fine wine, while chowder is thick and chunky, like the basin of a garbage disposal. Right, Clyde?
- CC: Actually, its rich and creamy...
- SS: Yes, it's like two different cultures. Bisques are made of the remains of only the finest crustaceans like lobster and king crab. While chowder will take whatever half-dead bottom feeders you can scrape up from the marina floor
- CC: If I had known this would go like this I’d never have agreed…
- SS: So you see, readers, there is rich diversity in the shellfish community. So when you are yanking us from the traps we voluntarily walk into and throwing us alive into pots of scalding water, remember that I am an amuse-bouche while Clyde is best consumed with crackers and a plastic spoon. And now you know
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SOUR AND SPICY SYNDICATES SETTLE STRIFE AT SIT DOWN
- Bashing and burning flavor receptors is dirty business, and if you don’t keep your nose clean, you’re bound to get whacked
- The Final Boss knows this all too well. He lost a lot of soldiers when Sour went to War with Sweet in the 1920’s over the Chicago lemon drops
- So it’s no surprise that he sent his capo London to make temporary piece with the don of spicy, Drew Davis from Crippling Hot Sauce
- The two gangsters conspired to create an epic giveaway that will leave 10 hotheads decimated by a year’s worth of sour and spicy
- Interested tough guys can apply to join the crew here
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WITH 2 WEEKS LEFT IN FALL SEASON, SPRING CHAMPION ERIK O. GRABS TOP SPOT
SOURHEAD RANKINGS (FALL):
1.ERK O - NY, NY........312 bags
2.JNFR H - WSTPRT, CT...300 bags
3.DVD B - PHL, PN.......300 bags
4.DSTN T - FSHRS, IN....276 bags
5.SAJA D - GRSN, NY.....264 bags
How many bags have you've defeated?? Message us on Instagram to join the standings.
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Got a Scoop?:
Reach out to us at: scoop@finalbosssour.com
If we run it, you win free stuff!
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