In a clearcut case of trauma reenactment, a 32-year old Chicago man made his annual Christmas return to a supermarket he visited as a child during a harrowing episode of parental abandonment
Gazette psychology editor Drew Shrew superficially diagnosed that McAllister does this in an attempt to gain control over the unresolved trauma
For the many Americans also suffering from unresolved issues stemming from being left home alone for days while bandits try to steal their families’ fine jewelry and odd marketable securities, The Gazette reminds readers that Final Boss Sour is only sold in this Illinois supermarket and online for all you filthy animals
COMMUNITY
MEET YOUR MINIBOSS SERIES PROFILES DERKUS
In a continuing series, The Gazette delves into the personalities of Gooberland’s minibosses. In today’s episode, reporter Noreen Ophelia O’Bannon profiles Derkus, the mandrill CEO of The Sour Dust Particle Collider and miniboss of Level 3 Mango Dippers
Noreen Ophelia O’Bannon:Derkus, thank you for allowing me to take a tour of the Collider, very impressive engineering!
Derkus: Thank you for the flattery, it fuels me
NOOB:My pleasure. Particle physics has always been your jam, but lately you’ve jumped into government, basket tossing the Final Boss. Why the new interest?
D: It’s an interesting love story. We are quite opposite in most ways, but the FB and I have really bonded over our core belief that we are insufficiently admired
NOOB:And you think being assistant to the overlord of Gooberland is your path to acceptance?
D: Well, in the same way that my collider smashes blue raspberry particles together at near light speed to create thelevel 3 sourness that makes my mangos so lit,I’m hoping that my antics swirling around the chaos created by the Final Boss’ sour rule will collide with the public's consciousness and they will experience a Stockholmian fondness for me
DROP CLUB MEMBERS COMPLAIN OF RELENTLESS ASSAULT ON TASTE BUDS
“My men are exhausted and demoralized. Just when they begin to recuperate from one blast, they are affronted by another assault” Georgia drop club member, Hunter G, said of his taste buds
BREONNA FROM MICHIGAN SKATES INTO THE LEAD TO KICKOFF THE WINTER SEASON
SOURHEAD RANKINGS (WINTER '24-'25):
1.BRNA R - FRPT, MI.....204 bags 2.ADRE A - CO SPR, CO...180 bags 3.JSE R - CHI, IL.......180 bags 4.JCB M - OMHA, NE......168 bags 5.ADM T - ST JN, IN.....156 bags
How many bags have you've defeated?? Message us on Instagram to join the standings.
