February 05, 2025

The Gooberland Gazette #70

TOP STORY

Man eats a fist full of Level 3 Sour Strawberries

CREATOR COMPLETES 9 LEVELS AND CLOSES WITH A FULL SEND OF LEVEL 3 STRAWBERRIES  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏  ͏ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­ ­

This week, legendary creator Joe Batolozzi fell into The Final Boss’ trap and live demo’d the entire Ultimate Sour Sampler

Joe Bart found level 1 so shockingly sour, he adjusted his sour evaluation scale mid-vid

In level 2, he needed a bucket to discard his excess mouth water like a dental patient (No it’s not spit, it's mouth water!)

During level 3, bottled water began tasting sweet

He closed the review with a full send of Level 3 Strawberries, an insult to Moo that has reverberated through Gooberland

In the end, Joe Bart honestly admitted that he would "f with this", marking another high internet culinary achievement for the sour fruit brand

JOB MARKET

Animated character knocks person from bike

FINAL BOSS SENDS OUT CASTING CALL FOR MORE VILLIANS, GETS ONLY PAPERBOY OBSTACLES

Hank and Quinnie just won’t quit their mission to defeat the Final Boss and liberate Gooberland from his sour rule

In a rare moment of public weakness, the FB posted a job listing for “incremental henchmen and goons”

But his hopes for laser-eyed minions and plasma-launching warriors were dashed when the ad only attracted obstacles from the 1988 NES classic Paperboy

At NPC orientation, Erratic Drunk Guy on the Sidewalk asked “do Hank and Quinnie ride bikes? That’s my specialty. Knocking them off their bikes”

Angry Lady in Bathrobe with Rolling Pin (pictured) admitted her strength only comes when her petunias get trampled

Henchman Resources Officer Beester was however impressed with Impulsive Dog, saying “its everyone’s nightmare, a calm dog they are passing just wigs out and bites you at your most vulnerable”

A snitch inside the pungent dungeon tells The Gazette that in the future, the Final Boss will post his listings in more places besides The Daily Sun

SHOP CHRISTMAS CANTALOUPE

ENTERTAINMENT

A bowl of Christmas Cantaloupe gleams under spotlights on the red carpet, surrounded by Academy Awards

DESPITE GOLDEN GLOBES SNUB, CHRISTMAS CANTALOUPE EXPECTED TO SWEEP THE REST OF AWARDS SEASON

“Absolutely phenomenal” and “One of my favorite flavors hands down!” were the reviews from finalbosssour.com shoppers Daryl and Devon, respectively

With a title that sounds strange and unnecessary, it’s no surprise that Christmas Cantaloupe has taken a while to snowball success

But now that it has hit the lips of brave early adopters and the word is getting out, it is expected to be the sleeper hit of the Oscars

Daniel, yes the Daniel, eloquently described the masterpiece as “Big beautiful chunks of super sour cantaloupe, throw them in the freezer, absolutely insanely delicious!”

Those still unconvinced are asked to watch the free trailer for the December Level 2 Drop, and go experience the genius themselves before its all gone

Three people look down in delight at their boxes of Final Boss Sour

SHOP SOUR

SPORTS

ROBERT FROM GREENBAY PACKS IN TO THE TOP 3

SOURHEAD RANKINGS (WINTER '24-'25):
1.BN J - CNYN, TX.......240 bags
2.RBT J - GRN BY, WI....228 bags
3.LLN Z - BSTN, MA......204 bags
4.MSN B - HSTN, TX......180 bags
5.DMTRS S - PPLN, NE....180 bags

How many bags have you've defeated?? Message us on Instagram to join the standings.

Got a Scoop?:
Reach out to us at: scoop@finalbosssour.com
 
If we run it, you win free stuff!

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The Gooberland Gazette #70

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The Gooberland Gazette #70

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