In Gooberland, Hank and Quinnie do their best to keep the Final Boss and his minibosses in check
However, when a miniboss portals into the human realm to cause chaos, its up to the Sour Rangers to save the day
And the Sour Rangers did just that this week when Beester, the miniboss of Sour Strawberry Level 1 dropped in to destroy the Angel Groove Food Court “for no reason”
The rangers were initially caught off guard by the wildebeest’s stampede, but luckily the Cranberry Ranger brought an Ultimate Sour Sampler Pack which allowed them to morph into a boss blasting behemoth
Go go Sour Rangers
INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS
FINAL BOSS ALLIANCE WITH CHOCBOX CREATES CONFUSION AND ANGER ACROSS GOOBERLAND
When The Final Boss assumed power and turned all of Gooberland sour, oppression rationalizers claimed that, at the very least, he would be tough against the competition
But news of the Final Boss’ collaboration with viral competitor Chocbox sent these bootlickers into a tailspin looking to recalibrate their excuses against backlash from their neighbors
Patriot Buck Beaver tells The Gazette“For weeks, we fought tooth and tail to beat Chocbox in the TikTok Shop Food & Beverage rankings. We lost good critters in the Black Friday battles—only for our gutless leader to sell us out behind our backs!"
COURAGEOUS WOMAN RETRACTS CONSENT TO FILM YOUTUBER GORKED OUT ON LEVEL 2 STRAWBERRIES
At a Culver City, CA Target this week, an unsuspecting woman kindly agreed to film creator Juliano Hodges for his youtube channel
The Gazetteprotects the identities of victims and will heretofore refer to the woman as ‘Sheneneh’
So as Sheneneh starts filming, the creator launches into an unsolicited, interpretive-dance-riddled ad for Level 2 Sour Strawberries that, while wildly offensive, somehow nails the brand's key value points
Correction: an earlier version of this article suggested that the strawberries were purchased in said Target, when actually Final Boss Sour is only available online
Anyways, during Hodges’ thrusting and shimmying to the theme from Pixar’s Monsters Inc., Sheneneh sours on the task and shows visible signs of regret and exit plotting
When Hodges’ describes his mouth watering as “gleeking”, Sheneneh boldly takes back her power and concludes the video
Culver City police have launched an investigation and vow to press charges—if they can figure out what crime was committed
