Neil Brumley of Duluth, MN and his brown tabby Waffles lived a quiet life in their condominium
That was until last summer when Brumley was served an ad for Final Boss Sour during his Wednesday night LegoTok session
He swears he heard Waffles say “you won’t” as Brumley cautiously selected Level 1 Strawberries as his gateway checkout
After devouring the entire 12 pack during an episode of Loki, Neil is convinced it was Waffles that challenged him to level up to Shellsea’s Blueberries
Brumley says he thought it was over when Waffles gave him the choice of Fancy Feast or Level 3 Cranberries to snack on during Moon Knight
But the challenges kept coming. Last week, when Brumley was forced to Facebook message his prom date from 2008 rather than gargle Heinz Cleaning Vinegar, he knew Waffles needed medical attention
When told of the symptoms, Veterinarian Dr. Ool assured Brumley that Waffles just needed a few months of treatment away from home
In related news, Waffles is up for adoption and is looking for a nice home. Email The Gazette if you are up for the challenge…
LAW
CONNIE CON CARNIVAL CUSTOMER COUGHS UP BIG COIN AFTER CAUSING CATASTROPHE AT GAME BOOTH
Connie, the owner/operator/mascot of Connie Con Carnival and miniboss of Blueberry Level 3 has been the target of several class action lawsuits pertaining to park safety and general grifting
But the scales of justice tipped in her favor this weekend, when brawny Brett Buffalo attempted the milk bottle-knock-over game and got hosed for more than the 5-ticket entry
An anonymous disgruntled carny tells the Gazette how it went down:
You see, usually this game is rigged by having the milk bottles be 5x heavier than they appear so they can’t be knocked over. But Connie sees this arrogant buffalo approach and decides to switch them to the thin glass version she keeps under the table
So Brett throws a heater and glass shatters everywhere. Then on cue, the young carny working the booth slams ketchup packets in her eyes and starts screaming for her mother
In the chaos, Carnival attorney Wes Weasel slides in with a swift six figure settlement and now the young Buffalo girls have to go in-state for college
The carnival has assured its guests that dangerous Buffalos will no longer be welcome on park grounds during peak season
ACID RAIN IN FORECAST FOR KID WHO FALLS ASLEEP FIRST AT LOCAL SLEEPOVER
At Lola McHenry’s famous sleepovers guests can expect gossip, movies and for the first to fall asleep, pranks
Last month the entire series was almost canceled when Lola and Marlow Middleton moved Gail Goodman’s sleeping bag into the closed-up algae-filled swimming pool
This weekend, McHenry decided to tone it down and go natural
