Before we could fully scrub out the demonic face patterns from our Saja Boys Halloween costumes, we were bombarded with travel plans, party invites, shopping deals and a creeping sense of festive doom
But here to pare back our worries is Final Boss Sour’s November Drop: Level 2 Pears
These real, dried pears are blasted with medium sour acids and natural pear flavor to create a never-before-enjoyed experience guaranteed to yank your brain out of its holiday funk
Sal Manderson, who operates the lupiter panel flosser, worries he won’t be able to afford toys for his larvae this Bossmas (as it now must be called)
Gina Gerbill has a jar in the breakroom so that her co-workers can drop in any spare zenny to help their fellow blast-monitor afford her daughter’s wheel-burn treatments
Such is the mood for the overworked operators of the Sour Dust Particle Collider – the 300,000 square pixel taxpayer-funded marvel that produces the natural sour powder for Level 3 Mango Dippers
Due to poor demand planning and malnourished labor, the Collider’s dippers were sold out for much of the summer and early fall, only to make their much anticipated return to digital shelves this month
Derkus – who took the reins and the credit from the Collider’s founders when the Final Boss came to power – has used the renewed momentum around the product to cut a dirty deal with shareholders that now makes him the wealthiest creature in North Gooberland
“It is simply the price of genius” said the Mandrill CEO while scratching his rainbow butt on one of the Collider’s acid guns
Analysts predict that the next high velocity collision in the dome will be between the worker’s angry despair and their boss’s gleeful indifference
LEVEL 4 APPLE GETS EMOTIONAL DURING WOWSTAR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
It’s Black Friday Cyber Monday (“biffcum” as the marketers say) Season and that means it's time to roll out the red carpet for this year’s honorees of the most prestigious award in video-based impulse shopping: “The TikTok Shop Wowstars”
This year’s ceremony had its share of controversy when a glow-in-the-dark hairbrush back-handled a bag of hydrating mouth tape over a hairloss joke
But one poignant moment occurred when Final Boss Sour Level 4 Green Apple accepted its hard-earned Wowstar trophy for “New Fun Picks”
“When I was an unripe on the branch, I knew I wasn’t meant for pies and cider. My dream was to be hot-air dried until 65% of my moisture evaporated, tumbled in the Final Boss’ most brutal sour acids, and sold to mouth-watering social media addicts”
The slice then used the pulpit to advocate for the anti-proliferation of apple sauce pouch products claiming “Enough is enough”
