‘MAN GO DIP HER’ THE TOP SOUR PUN DURING BALLROOM SOCIAL AT LOCAL SENIOR LIVING FACILITY
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Knoxville, TN – Ever since Clyde Norton’s grandson brought over an Ultimate Berry Sampler pack, the Wednesday Mahjong Club at Arborville Manor has been yucking it up over Final Boss Sour
- “It’s our top inside joke now” Emmet Regan tells The Gazette. “Used to be all bladder and prostrate roasts”
- The gang of four now spends their off-tile hours daring each other to take on Level 4 and geeking out over deep-cut Gooberland lore
- That set the stage for the banger joke dropped by Rand Perlman at last “night’s” 5pm Winter Formal
- When Regan claimed Ann Shlooton for a waltz, Perlman yelled out “Hey Man Go Dip Her!” as the other two geezers chortled
- Old Emmet did as he was told, dropping Shlooton for a seven degree adjustment that blew her blue hair back
- Norton – true to fashion – followed up with inappropriate “grape” jokes that drew confusion from those not familiar with that variety of dipper
- Perlman celebrated his zinger later that night by enjoying a pouch. Which an aid had to pre lick, dip and break into bite sized pieces on account of his Sjogren’s syndrome, arthritis and tooth loss, respectively
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NIBLETTE OVERINDULGES ON TWO REBEL HEROES AS KIWI LEVEL 1 REMAINS UNBEATEN
- “Turns out my best bosses are those who are born, bred and brainwashed on bad” said The Final Boss of Niblette, the baby rattlesnake with a big-girl bite
- For weeks, Hank and Qunnie have been trying to beat Kiwi Level 1, getting past the enemies and obstacles only to be consumed by the level’s scaly miniboss
- “I finally got me body mechanics sorted so I don’t get flogged by the bloody whirlwinds and tumbleweeds, and I can shimmy me bum outta the quicksand quick as ya like. But I still can’t smack her exposed rattle with enough cactus balls to uncoil her into finishin’ position, mate” decried Qunnie
- “I s’pose I don’t want to hurt the little girl, but Hank and me really need her kiwis to move on to Level 2” a muffled Qunnie tells the Gazette while passing through Niblette’s thorax
- It is rumored that Niblette remains unbeaten due to the fact that she grew up in The Final Boss’ Hissler Youth Program For Sterling Snakelets, and has no real appreciation for how horrible she is
- Hank, who also grew up without positive role models, has been trying to connect emotionally with the snake in a moment that signifies his own personal growth during this quest: “It doesn’t have to be this way, kid. Once I put more tokens in the machine and meet you again, maybe I can take you to lunch”
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SOURANGE IN A SIM CARD CAUSES LEVEL 4 SERVICE OUTAGE FOR WIRELESS CUSTOMERS
- On Wednesday, tens of thousands of Verizon wireless customers lost cell service for over six hours because some stooge stuck a sourange in his sim card slot
- Sixteen-year old Steve Stinson was sucking down a pack he got from is Level Up Bundle and wanted to share the sourness with his sidekick Sam
- Since Sam lived seventy miles away, Stinson decided to send the citrus over SMS by slamming a sourange into his SIM tray
- The sourange created a scourge across seventy-six cell towers, with the sourness seeping into the signals and scrambling SSIDs across several cities
- Despite the savage seismic situation, cell users got to enjoy the sourness while they were sour about their lack of service
- “It’s like that TV kid from Willy Wonka, the sourness simulcast in small samples across scores of small screens” said one savvy spectator
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RICO FROM NC JUMPS TO 2ND PLACE, WHICH IS THE NEW FIST PLACE IN CLAYTON'S WORLD
SOURHEAD RANKINGS (WINTER '25):
1.CLYTN A - BLFNTN, OH...480 bags
2.RICO A - HIGH PT, NC...288 bags
3.KATH S - TIN FLS, NJ...264 bags
4.TRV K - PH BAY, AK.....264 bags
5.ROB J - ORL, FL........252 bags
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