JAWSLICER WINS NO-BID CONTRACT TO FILL GOOBERLAND NATIONAL FOUNTAIN WITH INVASIVE SPECIES-LOADED SWAMP WATER
• To mark the 3rd anniversary of his return to power, The Final Boss has commissioned the refurbishment of la Fontana Gooberino in the National Mall
• To advance his mission of turning all of Gooberland sour, the Final Boss tapped Cranberry Level 2 miniboss Jawslicer to oversee the project and optimize the public outrage
• The FB was impressed with Jawslicer's work on The Invasive Species Petting Zoo in the Goomire Wetlands back in 2023 and hopes to recreate those same infectious vibes at the nation's capital
• Jawslicer's proposal – written in orange crayon on the back of a McCormick and Schmick's children's menu – allocates $15 million Wumpa Fruit to transport 200,000 gallons of bacteria-laden sludge from Goomire to Gooberland City
• Additional invasive species will be hand-selected by the Final Boss and are expected to include hydrillas, Asian carp, northern snakeheads, several disease-inducing microorganisms and straight up viruses
• When it re-opens, The Final Boss says la Fontana will be "hands-on interactive" and recommends waders to "remove band-aids and don't be under the influence of antibiotics" to get the full experience
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Winnie is a Gazette contributing writer covering farming and land use
• Gasp! Moo moo came back and he wants to try a sweet treat
• I want to see! I want to see moo moo again and give him a sweet treat!
• Or do I? Is moo moo good? Moo moo has some Dad notes that me can't quite grok
• Are these good moos, danger moos, or subversively hilarious moos?
• Why is there a whole body vibration plate machine in my playroom?
• Ok I'm convinced, moo moo wants a sweet treat
• Sweet treat makes moo moo's lip hairs pop up like my Pack N' Play
• When lunch?
| LIVE SCENES FROM GOOBERLAND |
| ● LIVE | GOOBERLAND CAM 1 |
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| "The water was described as 'drinkable.' Permits have been filed." |
| La Fontana Gooberino, Gooberland City |
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