COMING TO WORK IN COSTUME FAILS TO BRIGHTEN MOOD AT LOCAL SLAUGHTERHOUSE
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- Merl’s Meatpacking plant in Fremont, NE has been suffering from a recent spike in 1-star employee Glassdoor reviews
- To boost morale, Knock Operator/Head of HR Wendy Nelson sent a memo encouraging all employees to wear their “wackiest halloween costumes” to work today
- To their credit, the kill-floor team brought their A-game
- Evisceration Manager Ted Tooligan dressed as Snoopy
- Head Boner Steve Simmons, and his girlfriend Saw Operator Sue Swenson, came in as Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift
- Shackler Holden Emstill surprised in full Pikachu inflatable onesie
- And yet, something about the setting stifled the crew’s willingness to let loose
- Fortunately, Trimmer Tim Tendon (dressed as Elvis) brought 3 Ultimate Tropical Samplers from Final Boss Sour to the breakroom
- The costumed killers gleefully challenged each other to higher levels of sourness, laughing at the puckered faces of their friends
- The event moooved several to update their reviews to two- and even three-stars, praising their “newly funner working environment”
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COSTUMED CRUSADERS CREEP THROUGH COVERT CHAIN OF HELPFUL HOUSES ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT
- After defeating Arachnothorn and Cranberry Level 1, the Final Boss put out an All Derps Bulletin to his cadre of stooges to stop Hank and Quinnie
- The Boss knew the heroes would be heading to Level 2, so he sealed the perimeter and setup checkpoints along all routes between Eldergloom Forest and the Goomire Wetlands
- However, the boss neglected that a) there is a silent, emboldening opposition to his sour tyrannical rule and b) its Halloween
- These two forces granted Hank and Quinnie safe passage through an underground network of sympathetic candy-dispensing homes
- The rebel leaders donned costumes (Qunnie as Rumi from K-Pop Demon Hunters and Hank as QB Night Stalker Mark Sanchez) and set out trick-or-treating through the neighboring towns
- If a house gave out Level 4 Sour Apples and Level 3 Cantaloupe Fingers and had the Dodgers game on in the living room, it meant they were safe to enter
- Harboring home owners then wrapped the heroes up in sheets and pedaled them through town à la E.T. to the next stop on the sour freedom trail
- Helpful interference was provided by dozens of young cubs dressed in Hank and Qunnie costumes
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Blueberry Level 1 miniboss Lardsworth reportedly detained seven such kids on false charges before punting them loose in frustration
- The rebel mission was a success, with the heroes arriving on Jawslicer’s turf by sunrise
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BOSS GAMES PRAISED BY VIEWERS AS ‘MEH, AT LEAST ITS REAL’
- With artificial intelligence advancing at breakneck speed, content viewers have grown increasingly unsure of what’s real anymore
- That confusion may explain the surprise October hit Boss Games: Halloween Edition
- Eliah Jordana, who watched the video, tells The Gazette “I can’t imagine an AI prompt producing something so basic. I think – I think its real”
- The reality “show”, which pits two randos against each other in a hastily contrived relay race to win a retro gaming console left over from a past promotion, is garnering market share in a Gen Z audience fatigued by AI slop
- A kid that goes by Bloodge says “I’m lowkey into it. Its lowkey two real people doing something lowkey chill for lowkey, like one whole minute”
- Adding to the appeal, is that the show features Final Boss Sour Level 4 Green Apples – a candy that uses real fruit
- Host London Lazerson is reportedly at least 67% real himself
- And the message: Wishing a Safe and Happy Halloween to all you sourheads!
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IN OCTOBER SHOCKER, SETH FROM INDIANA KNOCKS CLAYTON OFF HIS PERCH GOING INTO LAST MONTH OF FALL SEASON
SOURHEAD RANKINGS (FALL '25):
1.STH W - CRML, IN.......504 bags
2.CLYTN A - BLFNT, OH....480 bags
3.KVN C - CYN CTRY, CA...420 bags
4.ANTN K - GRN HLS, CA...372 bags
5.MXFLD N - ML VLY, CA...300 bags
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